Show newer

(euphemism voice) babe can you scramble my cube for me~

the answer 

#2 is a lie! I have used a hair spray and lighter "flamethrower" on two or three occasions, but never set myself on fire with it

#1 is true - I would bring a climbing harness and daisy chain to clip in and hang once I got high enough, but didn't use a rope or anything lol

#3 is also true - it's my collar bone (3 yrs old, somersaulted down a slide), my thumb (skiing crash, on 30 dollar weekday tickets that i was "getting my money's worth" out of), and my elbow (fell of my stilts)

Show thread

Holy shit Alex Jones' lawyer sent all his text messages to the plaintiff lmFao

fuck it, two truths and a lie

We used to have Samuel N. Mayo, Léon Dens, and Alonzo G. Grace. Now we have no mayo, no dens, and no grace!

To be clear: it's never morally okay to work for Lockheed Martin. The problem was never like, their stance on queer people. It's because they are a war crimes company. Don't be fuckin silly lmao

Show thread

probably resulted in, like, a 90% reduction in rando pleromans in my mentions that require an entire block rec thread

Show thread

my mastodon experience has been so, so much more peaceful since I turned on authorized fetch

also you won't catch me dead in a rwd car in the snow lmao, I'd rather walk

Show thread

the most common cars to see buried in the snowbank off the highway are suv crossovers

Show thread

in a big snowstorm, I'd much rather be a passenger in a light fwd car with someone who knows how to straighten it out, than a big SUV with someone who's just trusting their bulk and awd to keep em on the road

Show thread

also its very fun to do, especially if you have a handbrake to initiate a slide on command

Show thread

I maintain that people would be better drivers in the snow if they took the time to find a super empty parking lot and throw their car around a bit, practice recovering from a 30mph slide or so

fun fact: the common tooth faerie (Pixiossis dentales) is the smallest and least dangerous species in the genus known as the "bone faeries"

kids, let me give you a play by play of something that happened today, ok.

i'd just been rejected from a self service burger king tablet because it didn't want to accept my card, so i went over to kfc because those were the options.

at this point i will mention two things. thing one is that if you order literally one extra thing in kfc they put it in an entirely different bag and then put that in the 'big bag'. and thing two is i had just purchased a packet of ham because i was on my way to meet a dog.

so, basically, while picking up my unnecessarily large kfc bag, which was making people already stare at me, i dropped a large packet of ham which fell out my jacket and slammed onto the floor.

this happened at a crowded service station and prompted some people to get their phones out and say things like 'what the fuck is she doing' so

Selfie, firearms, eye contact 

POV: You’ve yee’d your last haw

Show older

Jacie's personal mastodon instance; open only to cool friends.