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some malaphors I think about:

-we'll burn that bridge when we get to it
-if you can't stand the bull, get out of the china shop
-where there's smoke, there's mirrors
-fool me once, shame on you; teach a man to fool me, and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life
-come back to haunt you in the ass
-lets not beat around the dead horse
-beauty is in the eye of the tiger
-burning daylight at both ends
-apples to apples, dust to dust
-a stone in the hand is worth two birds in the bush

lewd? malaphor 

@jacethechicken very insightful. i believe you will be remembered for centuries to come for this prodigious wisdom you've shared with us. Bless you.

@jacethechicken don't count your dollars for every time they hatch

@jacethechicken hatch an egg, feed a man for a day

teach a man to hatch, and he'll be in one basket for the rest of his life

@nilaky or the other way around: don't count your chickens at the table

@jacethechicken @lynnesbian you can lead a gift horse to water, but you can’t look it in the mouth

@jacethechicken There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

@jacethechicken Oh wow. My mother often says malaphorisms (didn't even know this was a word!!) when she is distracted. The results are always hilarious :D

For example, we have following two sayings in Portuguese: "he who goes to sea gets ready on land" and "don't go into the woods without a rope". The meaning is basically the same, so she swaps words and ends up saying "don't go to sea without a rope" and "he who goes into the woods gets ready on land".

@megfault @jacethechicken "don't go to sea without a rope" isn't strictly a bad advice, if you go pearl diving ..

@jacethechicken I actually say "burn that bridge when we get to it" as in "I'll piss that person off when it's time"

@jacethechicken A favourite of mine is referring to easy things as a cake in the park.

@jacethechicken teach a man to find his ass with his own two hands, feed him for a lifetime

@jacethechicken I only get what this is because of Tvtropes entry on Malaproper

@jacethechicken You opened that can of worms so now you have to lie in it

@jacethechicken don't put all your eggs in one basket before they hatch

@jacethechicken gonna be completley painfully honest with you chief most of these sound like the kind of thing i'd read on some milquetoast liberal's tumblr page

@jacethechicken well burn that bridge when we come to it is also a gritty action hero quote probably

@jacethechicken

If you think that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, then clearly you've been sticking your bird in the wrong bushes.

@jacethechicken - I had an Aunt who once said (without irony) "Fly off the hatchet!". 😆

@jacethechicken my fb status from this day of December 2007:

is beating a dead horse, in a vat of undiscardable bathwater, with a reinvented wheel, to extract blood from the stone dangling over his head.

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