that's a tough nut to swallow

@jacethechicken damn a lot of these are good

@jacethechicken these are incredible

@jacethechicken don't count your dollars for every time they hatch

@jacethechicken @lynnesbian you can lead a gift horse to water, but you can’t look it in the mouth

@jacethechicken There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

@jacethechicken Oh wow. My mother often says malaphorisms (didn't even know this was a word!!) when she is distracted. The results are always hilarious :D

For example, we have following two sayings in Portuguese: "he who goes to sea gets ready on land" and "don't go into the woods without a rope". The meaning is basically the same, so she swaps words and ends up saying "don't go to sea without a rope" and "he who goes into the woods gets ready on land".

@jacethechicken does the pope shit in the woods?

@jacethechicken I actually say "burn that bridge when we get to it" as in "I'll piss that person off when it's time"

@jacethechicken A favourite of mine is referring to easy things as a cake in the park.

@jacethechicken You can lead a horse to water, but blood is thicker.

@jacethechicken it's just like shooting a barrel of monkeys

@jacethechicken haunt you in the ass is great

@jacethechicken I only get what this is because of Tvtropes entry on Malaproper

@jacethechicken You opened that can of worms so now you have to lie in it

@jacethechicken don't put all your eggs in one basket before they hatch

@jacethechicken Rome wasn’t burned in a day

@jacethechicken gonna be completley painfully honest with you chief most of these sound like the kind of thing i'd read on some milquetoast liberal's tumblr page

@jacethechicken Well I'd bet my bottom dollars to donuts

@jacethechicken well burn that bridge when we come to it is also a gritty action hero quote probably

@jacethechicken

If you think that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, then clearly you've been sticking your bird in the wrong bushes.

@jacethechicken don't count your blessings before they hatch

@jacethechicken i use that first one unironically far too often

@jacethechicken there's more than one way to crumble a cookie

@jacethechicken birds of a feather are worth two in the bush

@jacethechicken my fb status from this day of December 2007:

is beating a dead horse, in a vat of undiscardable bathwater, with a reinvented wheel, to extract blood from the stone dangling over his head.

@jacethechicken you can't compare apples and dust, though!