some malaphors I think about:
-we'll burn that bridge when we get to it
-if you can't stand the bull, get out of the china shop
-where there's smoke, there's mirrors
-fool me once, shame on you; teach a man to fool me, and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life
-come back to haunt you in the ass
-lets not beat around the dead horse
-beauty is in the eye of the tiger
-burning daylight at both ends
-apples to apples, dust to dust
-a stone in the hand is worth two birds in the bush
@jacethechicken damn a lot of these are good
@jacethechicken these are incredible
@jacethechicken very insightful. i believe you will be remembered for centuries to come for this prodigious wisdom you've shared with us. Bless you.
@jacethechicken don't count your dollars for every time they hatch
@jacethechicken hatch an egg, feed a man for a day
teach a man to hatch, and he'll be in one basket for the rest of his life
@nilaky or the other way around: don't count your chickens at the table
@jacethechicken let's put all our cards in the bush
@nilaky lay your eggs on the table
@jacethechicken Count your blessings before they hatch
@RadiantEmber never count your blessings at the table
@jacethechicken @lynnesbian you can lead a gift horse to water, but you can’t look it in the mouth
@jacethechicken There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
@jacethechicken Oh wow. My mother often says malaphorisms (didn't even know this was a word!!) when she is distracted. The results are always hilarious :D
For example, we have following two sayings in Portuguese: "he who goes to sea gets ready on land" and "don't go into the woods without a rope". The meaning is basically the same, so she swaps words and ends up saying "don't go to sea without a rope" and "he who goes into the woods gets ready on land".
@jacethechicken does the pope shit in the woods?
@halcy @jacethechicken alternatively: is a bear a Catholic?
@a_breakin_glass @halcy @jacethechicken if a tree falls and nobody's around to hear it, is a bear the pope?
@jacethechicken@chickenfan.club don't hide your bird under a bushel
@dan@terse.telent.net @jacethechicken@chickenfan.club Spare the rod and spoil the broth
@jacethechicken I actually say "burn that bridge when we get to it" as in "I'll piss that person off when it's time"
@jacethechicken@chickenfan.club don't count your chickens before they're all in one basket
@jacethechicken A favourite of mine is referring to easy things as a cake in the park.
@jacethechicken You can lead a horse to water, but blood is thicker.
@jacethechicken we've got lower hanging fish to fry
@jacethechicken it's just like shooting a barrel of monkeys
@velexiraptor like shooting candy from a monkey
@jacethechicken teach a man to find his ass with his own two hands, feed him for a lifetime
@jacethechicken haunt you in the ass is great
@ItsJenNotGabby @jacethechicken
wow Jen cw your kink
@jacethechicken I only get what this is because of Tvtropes entry on Malaproper
@jacethechicken You opened that can of worms so now you have to lie in it
@jacethechicken don't put all your eggs in one basket before they hatch
@jacethechicken Rome wasn’t burned in a day
@jacethechicken gonna be completley painfully honest with you chief most of these sound like the kind of thing i'd read on some milquetoast liberal's tumblr page
Milk toast? You mean like French toast?
@jacethechicken Well I'd bet my bottom dollars to donuts
@jacethechicken well burn that bridge when we come to it is also a gritty action hero quote probably
If you think that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, then clearly you've been sticking your bird in the wrong bushes.
@jacethechicken don't count your blessings before they hatch
@jacethechicken - I had an Aunt who once said (without irony) "Fly off the hatchet!". 😆
@jacethechicken i use that first one unironically far too often
@jacethechicken there's more than one way to crumble a cookie
@jacethechicken birds of a feather are worth two in the bush
@jacethechicken my fb status from this day of December 2007:
is beating a dead horse, in a vat of undiscardable bathwater, with a reinvented wheel, to extract blood from the stone dangling over his head.
lewd? malaphor
that's a tough nut to swallow