some malaphors I think about:
-we'll burn that bridge when we get to it
-if you can't stand the bull, get out of the china shop
-where there's smoke, there's mirrors
-fool me once, shame on you; teach a man to fool me, and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life
-come back to haunt you in the ass
-lets not beat around the dead horse
-beauty is in the eye of the tiger
-burning daylight at both ends
-apples to apples, dust to dust
-a stone in the hand is worth two birds in the bush
re: lewd? malaphor
One in Kate Bush is worth two in the hand.
@jacethechicken damn a lot of these are good
@jacethechicken these are incredible
@jacethechicken don't count your dollars for every time they hatch
@jacethechicken hatch an egg, feed a man for a day
teach a man to hatch, and he'll be in one basket for the rest of his life
@nilaky or the other way around: don't count your chickens at the table
@jacethechicken let's put all our cards in the bush
@nilaky lay your eggs on the table
@jacethechicken Count your blessings before they hatch
@RadiantEmber never count your blessings at the table
@jacethechicken There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
@jacethechicken Oh wow. My mother often says malaphorisms (didn't even know this was a word!!) when she is distracted. The results are always hilarious :D
For example, we have following two sayings in Portuguese: "he who goes to sea gets ready on land" and "don't go into the woods without a rope". The meaning is basically the same, so she swaps words and ends up saying "don't go to sea without a rope" and "he who goes into the woods gets ready on land".
@jacethechicken does the pope shit in the woods?
@firstname.lastname@example.org don't hide your bird under a bushel
@jacethechicken I actually say "burn that bridge when we get to it" as in "I'll piss that person off when it's time"
@email@example.com don't count your chickens before they're all in one basket
@jacethechicken A favourite of mine is referring to easy things as a cake in the park.
@jacethechicken You can lead a horse to water, but blood is thicker.
@jacethechicken we've got lower hanging fish to fry
@jacethechicken it's just like shooting a barrel of monkeys
@velexiraptor like shooting candy from a monkey
@jacethechicken teach a man to find his ass with his own two hands, feed him for a lifetime
@jacethechicken haunt you in the ass is great
@jacethechicken I only get what this is because of Tvtropes entry on Malaproper
@jacethechicken You opened that can of worms so now you have to lie in it
@jacethechicken don't put all your eggs in one basket before they hatch
@jacethechicken Rome wasn’t burned in a day
@jacethechicken gonna be completley painfully honest with you chief most of these sound like the kind of thing i'd read on some milquetoast liberal's tumblr page
@jacethechicken Well I'd bet my bottom dollars to donuts
@jacethechicken well burn that bridge when we come to it is also a gritty action hero quote probably
If you think that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, then clearly you've been sticking your bird in the wrong bushes.
@jacethechicken don't count your blessings before they hatch
@jacethechicken - I had an Aunt who once said (without irony) "Fly off the hatchet!". 😆
@jacethechicken i use that first one unironically far too often
@jacethechicken there's more than one way to crumble a cookie
@jacethechicken birds of a feather are worth two in the bush
@jacethechicken my fb status from this day of December 2007:
is beating a dead horse, in a vat of undiscardable bathwater, with a reinvented wheel, to extract blood from the stone dangling over his head.
@jacethechicken you can't compare apples and dust, though!
Jace's personal Mastodon instance