y'all ever write a d&d NPC so fucked up, that when you get in her headspace to play her you think, "damn girl you live like this??"

I have a character named Elle who willingly spent 150 years (she's an Elf) separating her own mind and wants, as well as possible, from herself, so she could better serve her deity -- a deity which doesn't confide in anyone, has plans that are far beyond the scope of any mortals, and who openly admits to using their followers as puppets in this plan. because more than anything else, she's terrified of control, and she's terrified of living without a purpose.

Elle: I willingly gave up every aspect of myself -- my name, my home, my memory, and as much of my personality as I was capable of getting rid of, so I could better serve Ashiok.

me: damn, that's fucked up

Elle: and you know what? I'm happy. I live a very fulfilled life, knowing that I am a part of something vast, something much greater than myself. But as long as your only purpose is self-preservation, you will never be fulfilled, and you will never be happy.

me: oh shit

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y'all ever write a story where there aren't any protagonists and the character you most relate to is the one who said "fuck it, making decisions sucks" and gave herself up to a deity she doesn't understand

@jacethechicken hey jacie...... I love this character. wtf. thank you

@woomy I love her so much too. and tbh I'm pretty sure the god Ashiok is predatory, and I feel like the power dynamic involved makes the whole "giving up your identity" part a little less willing and a little more coercive, but I think Elle herself is valid for wanting to serve something greater 🀷

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