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pronouns update!
-xe/xem/xyr: my favorite! especially the "xyr" part, love that
-ey/em/eirs: also cool!
-fae/faer/faers: especially if I'm doing something chaotic
-other neopronouns: sure, mix it up! hell yeahh
-they/them/theirs: the Coward's Choice, but acceptable
-she/her/hers: has Flirtatious Implications, only if you know me

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D&D lets you live out all kinds of fantasies, such as:
-Having everyone call you by your preferred name and gender
-Having a big group of friends who do everything together
-Making a reasonable wage as a freelancer
-Being able to murder the terrible leadership of your country
-Getting 8 hours of sleep

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me: [at the podium at Soulja Boy's funeral]
I'd like to read you something that Soulja wrote, and that really affected me personally.
[clears throat, sniffling slightly]
I'm so fresh, you can suck my nuts,
I'm so fresh. . . you can suck my nuts.

audience: [through tears] Swag.

fun fact I just learned randomly: the WKU Basketball Team is called the Hilltoppers,, and their women's basketball team is called the Lady Toppers 😳

me playing Dota be like: I came here to rush aghs on every hero and chew gum, and I'm all outta gum

Did your mind fracture like a bone or shatter like glass?
Show me the planes of your breaking.
From this we divine its crystalline structure,
pass our gloved hands in augury over
the sticky traces of your palpable disintegrity.

Did you mean to break it? Then stop crying.
You need no apology. There is no defense, no
"there, there". From the living we extract
a biopsy, and from the self we extract
an autopsy; we make what we can explain itself.
We make the best of what's left of you.

[YMCA voice]
catboy!
there's no need to feel down, I said
catboy!
get yourself off the ground, I said
catboy!

fun fact: if someone is wearing a Thin Blue Line anywhere on their person, that is them giving implicit permission for you to absolutely rock their shit. just drop em like a sack of potatoes! it's fun for the whole family

cant believe the reddit psuedo-incels called it "nofap" instead of "antifapitalist"

can anyone think of a better power move in MTG than "brainstorm, hold priority, brainstorm" ?

mtgo 

I get so mad when I lose in Penny League to someone who brainstorms end of turn, lol

Randy Johnson looks like a bartender at some rural backwoods bar -- the kind that looks like nothing but is secretly the best bar for 50 miles -- who tells everyone he “could'a gone pro” if he hadn't had a shoulder injury at a young age. except he never had that shoulder injury, and he's Randy Freaking Johnson.

[ZZ Top voice]
they come runnin' just as fast as they can;
every girl's jacie,

[ZZ Top voice]
they come runnin' just as fast as they can;
every girl's jacie,

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Jace's personal Mastodon instance