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stop saying "my kid could paint that," and start saying "my kid *will* paint that!" the time is now to introduce your child to the lucrative world of art forgery

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D&D lets you live out all kinds of fantasies, such as:
-Having everyone call you by your preferred name and gender
-Having a big group of friends who do everything together
-Making a reasonable wage as a freelancer
-Being able to murder the terrible leadership of your country
-Getting 8 hours of sleep

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me: [at the podium at Soulja Boy's funeral]
I'd like to read you something that Soulja wrote, and that really affected me personally.
[clears throat, sniffling slightly]
I'm so fresh, you can suck my nuts,
I'm so fresh. . . you can suck my nuts.

audience: [through tears] Swag.

made a couple of lesbians, out of boredom and thirst

you may think that shotgunning weed by putting the blunt in ur mouth backwards and blowing the smoke back through it is cool, but it's actually cowardly. the only *real* way to shotgun is to take a hit and then make out with ur homie while they inhale it

playin minecraft for the first time in a while and got *two* 13 CDs. guess whose listenin to 13 on two different jukeboxes, In Stereo, Slightly Out Of Sync

alc 

made an old fashioned with orange extract i had around and put *way* too much in it lmao. shit is fuckin clearing my sinuses

it prolly takes me 3 minutes just to apply my conditioner thoroughly enough. I use So Much Conditioner lmao

alc ment 

I think "Blue Raspberry" MD 20/20 is the closest thing that exists to Pure Blue Flavor

it's baffling to me that this 2007 car stereo with *sat-nav* doesn't have an aux cord lol

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i should get one of those janky aux adapters you can wire into your car's cd player

only problem is the broken AC, but I'll fix that when the heat comes back next year lol

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this car doesn't even burn oil! and it's still on its original engine (unless the owner before last rebuilt it at like 90k lol; I know its last owner didn't) with no real power loss

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my hobby is saying phone numbers with the wrong grouping. like, saying the cartalk phone number as "18 88 22 78 25 5"

corn on the orb 

thought it would be a good time to repost this classic

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chickenfan.club

Jacie's personal mastodon instance; open only to cool friends.