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stop saying "my kid could paint that," and start saying "my kid *will* paint that!" the time is now to introduce your child to the lucrative world of art forgery

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D&D lets you live out all kinds of fantasies, such as:
-Having everyone call you by your preferred name and gender
-Having a big group of friends who do everything together
-Making a reasonable wage as a freelancer
-Being able to murder the terrible leadership of your country
-Getting 8 hours of sleep

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me: [at the podium at Soulja Boy's funeral]
I'd like to read you something that Soulja wrote, and that really affected me personally.
[clears throat, sniffling slightly]
I'm so fresh, you can suck my nuts,
I'm so fresh. . . you can suck my nuts.

audience: [through tears] Swag.

looking for a career as a goon who gets to stand around expectantly waiting to get beat up in some warehouse yard

Legend has it if you invite a Morgan into you're house they'll bang your dad.

just saw someone in a thread saying Bane is a bad spell and started foaming at the mouth

one thing i love to do is committing postal terrorism

esvrld keeps mailing me anthrax, tuberculosis, bubonic plague, etc but since xe's cheap as shit xe buys it all from some russian darknet forum and half of it is like 300 years old and no longer viable, and the other half is just maize flour and not the plague at all

mastodon instance but the keming is really bad

hot shingles in your area. they're melting in the sun. you should get new shingles.

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Jace's personal Mastodon instance